Kathmandu, July 2 – Khusi Gurung (name altered), a 21-year-old originating from Kaski, recently relocated to Japan several months back for advanced education. She grew up mainly with her mother’s relatives since she was two years old following her parents' separation.
She spent her childhood living with her mother's grandmother, uncles, aunts, and other close family members. When her parents divorced, she was too young to comprehend what was occurring or the reasons behind the change in her family situation.
I was two years old when my parents divorced. I don't truly recall much from that time," she stated. "As I got older, I slowly realized that they were residing apart rather than being a family unit.
Following the separation, both parents entered into new marriages. Her mother eventually relocated overseas with her new family and established herself abroad, leading to even less frequent face-to-face interactions. Her father stayed in Pokhara, and Khusi saw him from time to time, but not consistently.
She passed her Secondary Education Examination (SEE) and began attending secondary school. In her Grade 11 year, she focused on her studies during the mornings and occasionally met with friends or family in the evenings.
She mentioned that during this period, the emotional burden of her family circumstances grew more apparent and difficult to overlook.
I remember thinking about how much different my life might have been if my parents had stayed together, seeing my friends getting care from both of their parents, spending time with them, or marking birthdays as a full family," she stated. "At times, I couldn’t fall asleep at night because of these thoughts. Small remarks from people around me made me feel like I was lacking something essential.
Even though she hadn't personally experienced the split, her teenage years led to a stronger emotional understanding of what she had missed regarding family security.
Before reaching school level, I didn't pay much attention to it. However, during Grades 11 and 12, I began contemplating extensively about my parents' relationship as a family," she mentioned. "Looking back now, I understand that I was experiencing a challenging emotional period without truly grasping its depth.
Khusi mentioned that a significant portion of her emotional suffering stemmed from comparing herself to others.
My friends used to discuss how their parents bought them items, took them somewhere, or joined them at gatherings. This made me feel as though I was lacking something typical that others possessed," she mentioned. "It led to feelings of isolation, despite being around individuals who genuinely cared for me.
She mentioned that these emotions became stronger during her teenage years but have now become less severe.
Right now, I'm occupied with college and my job, so I don't experience that same degree of emotional struggle," she mentioned. "I've become more skilled at handling it as time has passed.
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A young man residing in Kathmandu alongside his mother is facing ongoing emotional and economic challenges after his parents separated.
He mentioned that he was still quite young when his father left for another country following some borrowed money, but over time, he ceased all communication and stop offering financial help. In the end, the two separated through divorce a few years back.
"Upon my parents' divorce, there was an arrangement stating that my father would cover my educational expenses as long as I remained living with my mother," he mentioned.
Nevertheless, he mentioned that the agreement was not always adhered to. His father originally backed his studies, but ceased financial support following his remarriage.
My father ceased paying the school tuition following his second marriage," he stated. "At that point, my mother was without employment, and our financial situation turned very challenging.
He mentioned that the family had difficulty covering rental costs and educational fees during that time.
On some days, we didn’t have an idea of how we’d manage to cover the rent or tuition costs," he mentioned. "My dad used to occasionally promise he'd send money within a couple of days, yet frequently, he wouldn’t answer our calls. This conduct continues to be deeply distressing whenever I reflect upon it.
He no longer relies on his father for financial support.
My mom currently operates a small enterprise. I no longer reach out to my dad seeking funds," he stated. "Occasionally, I contact him, but solely when I want to, rather than for monetary purposes.
The teen continues to feel uneasy when thinking about his early years.
I still recall one aspect from my early years: we needed to plan specific moments simply to spend time as a family," he mentioned. "More often than not, my father wasn’t available. Reflecting on this even today brings me pain.
These stories reflect just a minor part of the real-life situations faced by children impacted by their parents' divorce in Nepal, as specialists point out that the emotional and societal effects are common yet rarely addressed.
As per information provided by the Supreme Court of Nepal, 40,320 legal matters were submitted in different courts during the financial year 2023-24. Out of these, 31,752 were settled.
During the financial year 2024-25, 42,739 cases related to divorce were recorded, of which 33,050 had been resolved.
As of mid-June in the ongoing financial year, 42,703 cases were submitted, with 29,131 resolved so far.
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Psychologists indicate that when parents separate, it can lead to considerable mental and social impacts on kids, which vary based on their age, surroundings, and how involved each parent remains after the divorce.
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Amit Jha stated that divorce has a direct impact on a child's overall growth.
"In terms of a child's comprehensive growth, both the mother and father have vital and supportive roles. Typically, mothers are seen as providing emotional care, whereas fathers are usually connected with offering practical advice and teaching about outcomes," he stated.
Upon separation, this harmonious approach to child-rearing is disturbed, leaving children frequently feeling the absence of an essential source of stability.
He mentioned that the effect differs considerably across different age groups.
Younger kids usually lack a solid grasp of ideas like separation or passing away. They find it hard to understand why parents who used to live together are now apart," he mentioned. "When they reach teenage years, they start measuring their situations against those around them. Observing stable families may cause them to feel less worthy, experience emotional turmoil, and become confused."
He mentioned that this kind of emotional pressure may lead to diagnosable medical disorders.
"It may manifest as an adjustment disorder, with kids feeling sad, having a poor mood, becoming easily annoyed, and showing emotional unpredictability. In several respects, this is similar to mourning after losing someone," he stated.
Persistent stress, when not adequately addressed, may progress to more severe issues like depression, anxiety disorders, and occasionally, drug misuse. Certain kids might also become overly reliant on electronic gadgets, resulting in an overuse of screens as a way to deal with their emotions.
He emphasized that maintaining shared parenting duties following a divorce is crucial for minimizing damage.
Divorce represents a legal split, but it doesn’t mark the conclusion of parenting duties," he stated. "After the divorce, both parents remain responsible for the emotional and physical care of their children.
He mentioned that the custodial parent should also strive to maintain an equitable distribution of responsibilities.
the parent who has custody of the child should strive to offer both emotional and tangible assistance," he stated. "children must avoid being subjected to unfavorable comments regarding the other parent.
He further emphasized the significance of comprehensive familial support networks.
He stated, 'Grandparents, uncles, aunts, and extended family members can significantly help alleviate feelings of isolation and offer emotional support.'
Timely action is essential once initial indicators emerge.
Immediately seek professional counseling if a child exhibits ongoing sadness, isolation, behavioral changes, sleeping problems, or reduced food intake," he stated. "Caregivers must also take care of their own psychological well-being as well.
Laxman Prasad Sharma, a lecturer at Tribhuvan University, mentioned that broken families lead to lasting instability for kids.
Without strong emotional connections and a nurturing atmosphere, a child's growth and education may suffer considerably," he stated. "This prompts important concerns regarding the type of society we are building for tomorrow.
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According to Articles 114 and 115 of the National Civil Code from 2017, decisions regarding custody and upbringing following a divorce take into account the child’s age and what is considered most beneficial for them.
"During decisions regarding custody in divorce proceedings, courts focus on the child's best interests," said advocate Bhabesh Gautam to Kantipur.
A minor below the age of five is typically placed with the mother, irrespective of her marital status," he stated. "Children aged between five and ten may either be entrusted to the mother’s care, with the father obligated to cover financial responsibilities, or alternatively, custody could be awarded to the father.
According to Adhikari, for children older than ten years, the child's own preferences are considered when deciding on custody.
In reality, access privileges are frequently challenging to implement even with established laws.
Even though the law permits visits anytime, enforcement within Nepalese society varies greatly," he stated. "Within wealthier households, kids are occasionally sent overseas, which can make maintaining relationships with the other parent challenging. In middle-class homes, children frequently face an absence of their father following a separation.
"Divorce is relatively uncommon among low-income families unless the woman marries again, resulting in fewer instances of children being separated," he stated.
Child welfare officer Gita KC Darnal mentioned that kids frequently find it difficult to cope with their parents' divorce, especially when one parent remarrys.
She stated, 'Children have great difficulty accepting separation.' 'When parents get married again, the emotional effect on kids usually becomes stronger. Although they may seem to accept it from the outside, many face internal challenges in adapting to new family setups.'
She emphasized that balanced emotional assistance from both parents is crucial.
She stated, 'When kids don't get equal affection and support from both parents, their psychological well-being suffers because they experience less consistency and safety.'
"Following a divorce, numerous children face emotional difficulties. Some might acquire mental health issues, whereas others could be drawn into hazardous activities or drug consumption," she stated.
She mentioned that sensations of isolation are common among children who have been impacted.
Many kids grow up envisioning a unified family," she stated. "Despite efforts from parents to stay connected following a split, children may still experience emotional loneliness as each parent starts forming their own distinct life.
